I'm 40 and married with young kids. Very very happy in my life but really really want physical male contact but the guilt kills me. But I can't stop thinking about it which make me feel like a bad person. What can I do?

Hi James.
I hear you mate, the guilt hasn't gotten easier for me. Its not only the cheating but the fact that you are messing up the lives of your wife and kids. I felt that neither my wife nor kids deserved to be hurt and they didn't sign up for this so it would be better if i just stuck it out - that way at least only one of us got hurt (me) but it isn't working.
It would be easier if i didn't like my wife but i like her very much as a person and i love her and i have no complaints about her as a good wife. We have sort of discussed things but haven't really resolved anything So the whole issue is just a very large elephant in the room.
I used to think i didn't want to hurt my kids when they were very young so would stick things out. Now the kids are teenagers and to honest it is probably a worse time to come out than when they are very young. So there is no perfect time.
As for hangabout's comments - i love the blunt healthy dose of reality, maybe i will get there some day but its complex and i am not there yet - just need to grow a set of balls i suppose but i am not so sure that will solve the feeling of guilt.

Hey James76 and Guy
I hear you both. Guilt is a heavy burden and is corrosive. We all have our own journeys so there's no point comparing ourselves to others. It's glib to say just do it. No one knows your situation and you are grown adults who understand what the implications are. As someone who took a long time to find the balks all I can say is that it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Still very difficult though. I feel like I can be who I should always have been now. That's exciting but not without a bit of heartache too. Do what you have to do but be easy on yourself
Best
Boss

*balls

Hey James - I absolutely understand what you're saying. Not only do I feel guilty when I actually fool around with guys (not often, but I do hook up on occasion), but the guilt associated with the desire and attraction to men is intense. It would be so much easier if I didn't have this attraction - wishing it away doesn't work :)

It almost feels unfair - why have I been lumped with this attraction for men when I would be perfectly happy in a heterosexual relationship - if only I was attracted to women. Does that sound odd?

Hey daveo1980, im exactly the same. Ive hooked up with a few guys and am currently having a full affair with a man im sure im in love with. Cannot believe im "that guy" that slept around. Im so confussed as to where to go from here. I love my wife and kids but the desire for this man im seeing grows by the day as does my feelings of telling the truth to mt wife......soooo hard

Hi daveo1980, I feel exactly the same way. The guilt I feel about having feelings of same-sex attraction is the same as actually acting on them. I've often wished I could just be straight and be happy with but I know I can't change who I am.