Gay Firemen...(but not fully out)

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Created: 14/07/17
Views: 184
Replies: 3
FiremanSam said,
Beginning of thread

Hi Guys.. First i just wanna say its a great and much needed site..
My story briefly..
Knew i was Gay in High School , but because of the times found it easier to follow the 'straight road'..
Got married, and stayed happy although fighting my man urges until my wife(ex now) saw my internet history and saw that I was looking at gay sites, Gaydar etc.. She had the conversation with me.. Admitting the she actually had suspected. Married 28 years, now separated . I came out to a few close friends. Nearly all agreed that they had also suspected. what the? . i always thought i had acted very straight. Now my problem ..I haven't come out to my folks, they are of the era that Gay people just aren't quite right and i think it may really upset them, which I don't want to do at this time of their lives. And secondly I have come out at work.. A Gay fireman?.. I don't think so.. Not sure how it would go down, despite changes for the good it is still very much an old boys club.. Any advice on what I should do..

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Tom said,

While it would be a great relief to come out at work, it might also be good to consider how long that workplace will still be part of your life. Maybe there is a work colleague you could come out to who would not betray your confidence? If so, that could be a first step. A supportive workmate might make it easier to tell more people in the longer term. As for the parents, I can't imagine that wouldn't be hard, so maybe someone else can offer a better viewpoint than I can?

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Bloomy said,
End of thread

Hi FiremanSam,

Coming out can be a difficult and traumatic process but it doesn't have to be. One thing I've learned is that you don't have to come out to everyone, and you can choose who, how, and when to come out to them. In fact, I like to think of it more like "inviting them in" as opposed to "coming out".

Remember that you're telling them something very intimate, and private about yourself and that when you tell someone you're gay they immediately have in their mind all the stereotypes they know of. Things like who you're attracted to, you like to dress in drag, you're feminine, you're promiscuous. But often stereotypes are just that, a widely held, oversimplified idea of someone.

So, think about who you want to invite into your world. Who are you going to bestow the honour of knowing this special and intimate information about you?

Telling your parents about your sexuality has varying results. In my experience, the result is often determined by their religious beliefs and general background. Those with strong religious beliefs often take it the hardest and seek to understand what they did wrong that you ended up that way. Sadly some go as far as totally rejecting their child because they are gay.

Though they may show some intolerance of homosexuality, don't write them off just yet. Many parents show understanding and they are able to accept your sexuality more and more over time. Reminding them that you want to be able to share your life with them, including your potential boyfriends/partner, and have fun together. They don't have to know the details of what you do in bed, they just have to accept you're going to be joining them at family events holding another man's hand, and that you might kiss them in public now and then!

Age also is a factor. As parents get older it may become less of an issue for them, though the religious types can be even more resistant to the idea.

Having said all that, if it's important to you to be able to share your life with them, then it's probably important to tell them. They may not like it at first, but if they love you as their son without exceptions, then they will recover and adjust to this new information. Let's face it, you are what you are, and nothing can change it. Their life doesn't really change.

Coming out at work is totally up to you. Again, what do you have to gain by telling them? What are you hoping will happen when you tell them? The Fire Department of NSW had a big float at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. So they certainly have embraced the idea of "diversity and inclusion" and so any issues you experience should be raised to appropriate people within your organisation. Something tells me, they might even find you a bit of a novelty!

I hope that all helps you with your decision.

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