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Im so bloody scared

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Created: 13/12/18
Views: 223
Replies: 5
Swill said,
Beginning of thread

Hi there,
I’m hiding a terrible lie! I’m a father of four and married for 23 years!
I’ve always known I’m gay but didn’t want to admit it!!
I don’t want to break my amazing family apart or break my wife’s heart but my oldest daughter has just come out to us and I can’t help feeling that she deserves the truth from me
I have also just recently caught up with a mate that I haven’t been in contact with for over 25 years! I stopped talking to him because I was infatuated with him and knew that he was straight so I cut all ties with him. He also needs the truth from me so we can remain friends!
I have contemplated suicide to resolve the issue however know that is not going to resolve anything.
Not sure if this forum is still active, however it feels good to say this on a forum!

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mrjc1973_at_gmail.com said,

Hey Swill, I've been with my wife for 20 years and came out to her 12 months ago, after I had been cheating on her for several years. We're still together, although it hasn't been easy. It does feel good to be honest with her.

I would recommend its best to tell your wife first, before she finds out some other way, that would be a lot worse. It doesn't necessarily mean the end of your marriage or family, unless that's what you or your wife want.

Suicide is not the answer. I have those thoughts too but I always think of my kids and how they would feel knowing that their dad wasn't strong enough to be there for them.

I don't know about telling your friend. I told a friend of mine and it didn't really turn out the way I thought it would, basically we're not close anymore, I think some people, maybe straight guys in particular, don't know how to react.

Anyway I just stumble across this website, as I myself am going through a period where I am feeling very alone in this world.

I hope this helps.


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GM15 said,

Hey Swill,

Feeling your pain mate ...
After 18 years of marriage and two beautiful kids, my wife and I separated 2 months ago, and during this time I've come to terms with my sexuality and just last week let her know that I'm gay.
There is so much pain for us to all work through, but there seems like there is no other way ... authenticity and being the true version of yourselves seems like the only way toward us shining brightly and being the best version of ourselves..... and something we all want for our kids, so need to demonstrate it and show them how its done ....

Timing and the way to this place is such a unique journey for every man and his family - there is no one particular way - but know that you are not alone, there are many other men in a similar situation and together we are working out how to be honest and upfront despite living a life that feels contradictory to our current circumstance / situation.

All the best mate ... it does get easier ...

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Help101 said,

Hi all, I’m married 25 years and I want to come out to my wife but am petrified of the pain I will cause. I have 3 kids and worry about them too. I hate lying and hoping in the end they will respect me for being honest. It’s on my mind all the time. Any advice would be great.

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End of thread

Hi all, this is my 1st post, Wow I can’t believe that I am not the only one in the same situation, I have been married for 24 years been with my wife for 27 years and have 3 great kids. For about the last 15 or so years I have know that secretly I was gay. Hiding it and dealing with it and getting on with my married life. For the last couple of years it’s been harder and harder to deal with and constantly drifting away from my wife and I guess trying to push her away to make our marriage break apart. It has been so hard at times I’ve been at the brink of suicide as it seemed the only way out. Each time when I’ve got my gun out to do it or lined up a tree on the road to run into all Ive been able to think of is my kids. I know it’s a cowards way out but at times it seems the only way out. Well 5 weeks ago I plucked up the courage (after an argument that I instigated to try and bring my marriage to an end) to tell my wife of my secret I have been hiding for what seems to feel a life time. I have also told my kids and my close family. To my surprise everyone including my wife is so supportive and accepting but I have and am really struggling with the guilt and the shame. Although I have not physically cheated on my wife I have developed a very close friendship with a gay male friend and we do have an extremely emotional connection. I have been completely honest with my wife about my friendship with my friend and again she is really supportive. To say our lives in the last 5 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster is an absolute understatement. When I have a good day then Im completely smashed down the next with the feelings of guilt and shame. I would be lying if I didn’t say the suicide option raises its ugly head as the only way out.
Can someone who has been in the same situation please tell it’s goi to be alright and how long does it take for the guilt to pass. PLEASE.

Thanks J

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