Whether this is your first time in an online forum or you're just keen to be a part of the conversation, this is a great place to get started. Feel free to let us know a little bit about you. Just be sure to observe the Community Rules (especially with regard to personal details). Haven't seen those yet? They're worth a quick read before you get going.

Hi all,
Going first is sometimes difficult but someone has to do it. I came out in early November 2010. I'm 51 this year and so lived most of my life in denial about being gay. I was married nearly 20 years and have two teenage children. We separated and divorced not long after.

The latter half of my marriage was difficult as I was going through the process of accepting my sexuality. I cried a lot, experienced a roller coaster of emotions and it took me some time but I'm now in a better place than I've ever been.

I tried antidepressants, psychologists, and psychiatrists and whilst each of them helped in some small way, I found that it was the simple act of being brutally honest with myself that helped me the most. I did this through Mindfulness Meditation.

I also found that there is an enormous benefit from engaging with people in a similar situation. This could be on a site like this, or from a support group like the one I now run (GAMMA NSW Inc http://www.gamma.org.au). Talking helps. It helps to work through thoughts, ideas, and feelings. When you do this, you often find your own answers to the things that bother you and learn much about yourself.

Once I began to work things out I knew I had to take action. There's no use in ruminating constantly unless you're going to do something about it. Right? Taking action isn't selfish. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself, finding out what you want your life to be, and then taking action to make the necessary changes.

GAMMA has provided some assistance and advice to help get this website going, and we're excited to be part of its ongoing success.

Lets get talking and sharing our experiences.

Cheers
Bloomy

hi
not sure if I have got this right. my name is Tony and I have recently been caught out by my wife she openned my email account and found sone emails and pics from some guys . She would not discuss it with me but just said delete them and to stop it and dont lett kid's find out or I will out you. we have been married 30 yrs 4 kid's 3 grandkids I have always thought I had gay tendencies but when my wife gave up sex 10yr ago I started seeing guys 3 yr ago. we are still together but it is terrible now. she wont admit I am gay

Bulldog11, don't worry. You've got this right. These forums are intended to be a safe space to share where you're at and what's on your mind. Thank you (and Bloomy) by stepping up and being the first guys to speak up.

Hi. thanks.
my nain concern is the denial by my wife about me even after finding out. wont discuss

I came out to my wife 19yrs ago and she still hasn't accepted it. I have tried to leave on numerous occasions over the years and she always goes to pieces even self harm and threatening suicide. She has shown me a most disgusting note that she has written about me and her take on what I've been doing with men all these years. She says she's hidden one of these notes for our 20yr old daughter to find should anything happen to her. Despite all of this I do still love her and care for her. We have reached a point where it's too painful to even discuss our situation and so are now living a weird kind of existence together, still planning ahead. I'm now 56 and frankly the thought of leaving and starting over terrifies me. I've had no luck on gay dating sites as most men are very shallow and seem to be all looking for men a lot younger. I've also been hurt after being deceived on these sites.I think about suicide quite a lot as some days are very hard and I feel I want to get off this crazy merry go round. Life keeps marching on. We attend family occasions, our calendar is full. Everyone still thinks we are the perfect married couple.

Hi..
I've been much more fortunate with coming out to my wife after 27 years although we are still living together we have agreed to separate eventually. She is having some issues coming to terms with it but we can talk about it. I have more problems with feeling good about myself. Learning to love myself better. Trying hard to rid myself of the stigma that has plagued me my whole adult life. Looking forward to continuing this new chapter of my life. Hardest thing for me now is telling our 2 children & my friends.

Astroboy, thank you for sharing your experiences. Hope this forum helps provide some comfort in allowing you to share your thoughts openly.