Please share you experiences in this regard?

My wife was quite supportive. It didn’t mean she wasn’t upset or even angry at times. But it meant she had an understanding, she had some empathy and I’m very lucky in that respect. She says that she suspected I was gay from the very beginning but thought getting married was worth the risk.

Through my teens I think I probably knew that I was gay, but I don’t think I really knew what that meant. At the time Acceptance meant not being gay, so that’s what I tried to do.

It has been several years since coming out and over that time things have changed. We did have a healthy, amicable relationship, but I know that over time she has become more angry. Financial issues have also caused emotional strains but this is largely due to poor communication and high expectations on my ex-wifes part.

I've met many men with varying experiences. Some are the best of friends whilst others will never communicate again or are vitriolic toward each other.

In my experience a good relationship can be maintained but it requires clarity and good communication.

Hi
my wife found out in the past month I was having an affair with guys. after a week of not talking I fronted her to discuss it. She shut down did not want to discuss just said stop before kids find out.. end of conversation. She did not ask me to leave?

Hi guys.
I have been married for 27 years but have had no intimacy with my wife for last 17 of those. I have known I was gay since quite young. I fell in love with another man 4 months ago but it didn't work out & I was devastated. I was so depressed that I ended up telling my wife everything. About him & all the men I had been with during our marriage. She accepted it as she had suspected that I may have returned to my old ways. I told her before getting engaged that I had been with other men. We have agreed to eventually separate but are not rushing things. For now we are still amicable. We have yet to tell our children. We plan to first tell them of the separation then later that I am gay. I have nightmares about their reactions.

Have any other guys out there already had to navigate the issue of telling your kids? How did that go?

Hi Bulldog, how have you been travelling in the three months since your wife found out you had affairs with guys? There could be all kinds of reason why she didn't ask you to leave including love, insecurity, complacency. Its probably a situation she's never been in before, so doesn't really know how to proceed. Perhaps the same can be said for you?

Hi westman45, how is the relationship with your wife after you told her everything? do you think the relationship's improved? In thinking about telling your children some day, its good to remember that how they take it will depend to a great extent on how much you accept yourself, and have been able to combat your own inner sense of stigma - sense of inferiority -that there's something wrong with you because you slept with men, when in fact you should have been perfectly happy married with children - so goes the critical thought process, which is utter crap of course, but it takes understanding, and time to be able to accept the stigmas within us and without, and to be able to acknowledge the critic but not be swayed by its scathing criticism. How do others deal with harsh self criticisms?

Hey Westman45. It is 6 months since your note was pasted.
I also am interested in how things are going since then.

When I read your note, my initial reaction was that after having told your wife, there is NO NECESSARY need for you to separate etc. -- unless of course one of you wants it to be that way.

From my perspective, a huge part of my life is connected with my marriage, friendships, family, kids, etc.; including property like our family home, other investments etc.; all of which have strong connections with my wife, who I still love deeply (well, most of the time. ha ha).

Therefore, separation/divorce/moving out, has never been part of the equation for me --- unless my wife preferred it to be that way.
Far better for me, is for us to remain intact in our old age in companionship, etc.; and for me to seek opportunities to experience my new-found sexuality on the side. But I do realise that we are all very different people, in different contexts, so what works for one, will not necessarily work for the other. Hope this helps. J.