Hi. I'm a married guy with kids. I am trying to come to grips with my guilt of having attraction and sexual relations with guys. I hate my self for having these feelings. I love my wife though sexually my interest is for men. I loathe myself. I am not an attractive guy I have had so much rejection on Grindr/MH and other such places. I fear I could never leave my wife as I'd always be alone. And I wouldn't handle the rejection. Plus I don't want to lose my kids. So I feel trapped. Which adds to my depression.

Guiri73 you are not alone in this path. Many of us have walked this path. This is why this community is here. Please feel welcome here.

Hi there...you are never alone. There are many of us out there that have walked your path already. I think one of the things I have learned is that most of us dearly love our wives, and would still like to have a life with them. What stops that from being possible is the torment of being attracted to men, and the lack of authenticity that comes with with that. I know for me, I will always love my ex-wife, but living knowing you are not hiding anything anymore is very freeing. Grindr is a place to find sex, its very one dimensional and can be cruel. Finding a group of mates that you can do things socially with in a gay environment is always a better way to introduce yourself into the community. You will find many guys, just like you, that will want to be friends and can help your through this tough time. Write again and we can talk some more if you want to.

my situation is different in as much as I am a widower but do have a grown up family and do find it hard dealing with my attraction and sexual relations with men. I am aware of how my eyes will focus on a good looking guy etc. Most of the dating sites I have been on (Squirt and AM) dont really fulfill what I want and would really enjoy just catching with other gay or bisexualmen for a coffee/ drink outung etc....so that I can just be myself! cheers Brian

Dear Guiri73. Thank you for your posting to this thread.
I am new to this site today.

It is very sad to read that you hate yourself for your m2m attractions. I hope that you will change in that way very soon.

For myself, I have never had any self-hate about it, and no guilt at all either, surprisingly.

But the GUILT which I feel, is that of a VERY honest person, having to be dishonest with my wife, in order to have m2m meets. And for me, it is worth that guilt and that dishonesty, for the positive feelings which I obtain from those m2m couplings.

I had been married for about 35 years, with grown children who were no longer living at home, when I suddenly learned that I had an m2m attraction (from seeing the film Brokeback Mountain!)

By becoming involved with a fan site for that film, I met some very wonderfully supportive, loving, caring people -- males and females; gay, straight, and bi. That started my bi emergence -- albeit many years later.

Jumping ahead considerably in time, after telling my wife of my attractions -- she was okay with it, as long as I did nothing about it!; but was totally devastated when I fell in love online with another man in another country; so I have hurt her irreparably, which I know she will never get over; even though our marriage was never at risk -- to my mind.
I mean, this was just about sex and emotional and mental connexions, it was not about wanting to live with anyone else. And eventually I shared it with my children, because I wanted them to know that if they or their kids had any same-sex attractions, then it was probably in their genes from me.

One of our kids immediately went into denial about it, and didn't want to hear anything more, but I persevered, because I wanted to share so much of what had been occurring in my life in that period. The other one shocked the boots off me, by immediately telling me all about that child's own same-sex experiences as an adolescent.

So you can see there, even within one family, there were vastly different responses to my opening up.

I do hope that some of what I've written might be helpful to you.

All the very best to you, and others walking in similar shoes.
Johnnyx

Hey man i don't think anyone likes or are good at taking regection its a part of life but guilt can ruin anobody in the end if only people understand what it's like to be attracted to same sex the world would be a lot happier place fear is the only tool they use oneday man the world will be cool with it but not in my lifetime

As Vans said, rejection can be tough and can really do a number in your head. How do guys cope with this?