Hi there. I knew I was bisexual at age 15. I had limited experience sexually with men before I married, and concluded that I could live a heterosexual lifestyle, which I did for many years. Six years ago, or 18 years into my marriage, I had a depression and slowly gravitated to other men for comfort, and eventually sex. I now struggle with my adulterous nature, one I didn't think I would ever have when I took my vows. How do other men handle that aspect? I have never slept with another woman and now my interest in making love to my wife is practically non-existent.

Hello MJS. Oh, I can 'hear' the anguish in your posting. So sorry to hear that, mate. I hope that you will work your way through all of those negative feelings/thoughts/emotions.

Most of what I should like to write in response to your issues, I have already written about in other threads in these Forum pages; so I fear that my posts would be repetitious if I keep on repeating the same thing. Nevertheless, I will try to write some thoughts in response to your posting.

I think that it is great that you were able to turn to men for comfort when depression hit you. That sounds like an excellent outcome for you.

You write about your 'adulterous' relationships. Use of that word smacks of religion, so I am unsure if you are merely using that word as a descriptive one; or if religious guilt is also mixed up with your other feelings and issues. For myself, yes I admit that from a religious perspective, whilst staying married and playing around with men, I am technically being adulterous; but that does not worry me at all. But part of the reason for that might be because I discarded religion and its psychological warfare against our natural tendencies, a long time ago.

On a similar tack though, I think that what used to concern me, was that I was breaking a PROMISE of faithfulness made at the time of marriage, and even inferred at the time of becoming engaged. I hold the keeping of promises very dear, and breaking one -- especially one as solemn as this one -- really cut me up.

However, I decided that it is more damaging to my emotional and psychological and physical health to deny what I now know about my own sexuality; so I became more pragmatic, and decided to pursue my new-found life; at the same time trying to hide it from my wife in order to protect her and her feelings. And in fact, when I was needed there as her full-time carer and emotional support for several years; I believe that it was the fact that I had physical relations with men to turn to as a relief or outlet, which kept me totally undepressed and able to function at a very high level to provide her with all of the support which she needed at the time. Of course I will never know for sure, but I do now believe that if I had not had men to turn to for physical relief at the time, I would probably have returned to deep depression; but that did not happen.

I strongly hope that you will find your way through this emotional maze, and come out stronger on the other edge of the maze. Of most help to me has been reading in other Forums (like on bi-australia) the hundreds or perhaps thousands of postings by other guys who have gone through this process, or who are still going through it.

This Forum has similar potential, but I find that there is very little feedback, interaction, etc. in response to postings; whereas in that other Forum mentioned above, there is always feedback -- not always positive! ha ha --- and it is dynamic; happening frequently. For a long time I found that so educational that I became addicted to it. ha ha.

Wishing you a safe pathway as you negotiate this new-found world. Kind regards. Johnnyx.

As my understanding of myself has evolved, I have better understood why I find myself married but so attracted to men. Accepting myself has made me far less concerned about vows I made a very long time ago, in a very distant past mindset. I try to be what is required of staying married, for now, but am kind on myself about my need for m2m sex. It is keeping me sane.