John Leaver, the subject is a bit old now but I have just found this site. I'm 70 and recently retired and think my life-story may have some relevance to you. I had a gay 'fling' over a month or so during my first marriage (in the swinging 60s) and felt quite happy that I had the best of both worlds by being bi-sexual. Since then I've had three more failed marriages and have three daughters.
While single I was always thinking that now would be the time to really live the gay life-style . . . but then a female would attract me/become available and the matter sort of faded away.
In my last marriage, my wife was very amused about my tales of sexual adventure and, when our marriage started getting 'wobbly' she actually suggested we separate and I 'really explore your homosexual side'. I said no, not necessary, but then she left anyway. I've since realised that I am predominantly gay. More to the point, I'm accepting that I have been this way all my life. Which brings me to my point, for your consideration. Infidelity is just that. If you 'cheat' (corny, but there it is) you're not happy in your marriage/relationship. I wouldn't have three daughters now, but I would've saved four very nice women from the heartache if I'd seriously looked at my preferences . . . and went with them, rather than following societal rules and being afraid of stigma. I believe you'll usually be happier once you've made a decision, based purely on what YOU know about your feelings. A good psychologist should be able to help you work through it.

Hi All.
John your story could be mine (slightly different but pretty much the same).
I'm at that point of finally being honest with myself about who i am. But i don't want to hurt those around me (2 beautiful teenagers who can be full of nonsense but i love them anyway and a wife who i really cant complain about). They really don't deserve to be hurt.
Like your mate i think of sticking it out until the kids finish school but that's not fair on my wife or i.
I keep trying to focus on other things but its not working as well as it used to.
Anyway its reassuring to know i am not alone but it would be good to talk to people who understand (I'm in Canberra). I feel there must be a lot of us in similar circumstances and it would be good to chat but how does one identify others in the same situation. Maybe this forum could help.

Hey John - sounds like we're in a very similar situation. It would be great to stay in touch with guys in a similar situation - we may have an opportunity to develop a good little community here.

Its a strange situation to be in - in one breath I wish I had come to terms with my sexuality years ago (I don't think I would have got married etc), but on the other I couldn't see myself without my kids. I often see myself with a guy down the track, but then at other times I just don't think I could ever see myself leaving my wife (and the subsequent impact on family).

Sex with guys is wonderful, but its also more than that - its the physical masculine intimacy I enjoy.