Anxiety is tricky beast. It's often misunderstood as simply being stressed or worried. We all experience anxious feelings from time to time, but do those feelings ever stick around long after the stressful situation has passed?

This week I told my girlfriend that I'm gay, and we should take a step back in our nine month relationship, and turn it into a housemate thing. When I told her she hardened somewhat, however agreed its for the best. We have a lot in common vegetarian/vegan, like gardening, similar star signs, both work with our hands, etc...and are compatible as flatmates. I told we have been talking and things seem amicable. So in some ways the situation is over, I came out to her. But I'm anxious as hell! When I"m alone, I experience intense anxiety- I don't identify as gay, but then why do I sleep with men from time to time. my stomach is churning all the time as I think about what other people will think of me now that I have taken a step back from the relationship for the sake of getting some clarity. She will have to tell her friends I told her I'm gay to explain. I'm torn between having her hide my secret and out me to whoever, to hell with everyone. But I hate that label. i'm a man who has slept with men, and wishes to do so from time to time. On an on the thoughts race, the guilt of being confused about my desires, and the ongoing irrational fears of nothing in particular stampede. Anxiety truly is a tricky beast.

how do others cope with feelings of anxiety, guilt, exposure, and fear of disclosing sensitive personal information to others? How do you accept yourself in times like that?

Hi Billy,

Firstly, sorry it's taken so long for someone to respond to you. I want you to realise that anxiety is a normal feeling. In my experience, it's usually brought on by things that worry you but you feel are beyond your control. The repetitive thoughts or ruminating don't help because you're not actually doing anything about them except thinking the same thought over and over. Sometimes anxiety is about having to make a decision and not knowing if it is the right one or not. There is fear associated with that decision that adds to the difficulty.

From what you've written it seems you haven't quite decided or maybe a better word is accepted your sexuality. I'm not into labelling people either, but sometimes it can help provide clarity and will allow you to take action.

The key thing is that in any situation, taking action is usually the answer. Thinking or ruminating on a situation isn't helping. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result doesn't make sense, does it? So, the only thing you can do is - do something different.

It doesn't matter if you don't identify as gay or bisexual or whatever you like! What matters is how you feel about yourself. You like sex with guys. Great! Do you like sex with women? That's great too! It just doesn't matter. So, try not to worry about what others think because what others think is none of your business. In other words, you can't read their minds, so don't bother trying. Who cares what someone else thinks about you. What do you think of you?

Acceptance of your sexuality is sometimes difficult but once you do, you'll feel better. Coming to terms with same sex attraction means accepting that that is how you are and there is nothing wrong with you. When you truly believe that inside, then you'll feel less anxious. How do I know? I've seen it hundreds of times.

I've seen men go from anxious and deeply depressed one week, and then the following week you can visibly see the weight lifted from their shoulders when they've done what they needed to do. Whether it was coming out to someone, or even to themselves, or accepting some aspect of themselves they've been uncomfortable with, it's always the same. The ruminating stops and the anxiety goes with it.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. You're afraid of what others think of you. However, that fear isn't based on any kind of reality. It's the story and stuff you have in your head whilst you try to predict how other people might react. The fact is you actually don't know how they will react, no matter how well you think you know them.

Ultimately being authentic, honest and living with integrity is the best way to live and solves most of life's problems.

If you need to talk to someone about these things and your same sex attraction,feel free to call the GAMMA hotline on 1800 804 617.

Hi Billy,

To address the idea of disclosing sensitive and personal information I thought I'd write another post. You don't have to tell anyone about your sexuality. It's your private, and intimately personal information. You are the one who can decide who should know and how much they should know.

However, when you tell someone, you can't always expect it to stay with them unless you're very explicit about the terms of you telling them the information. My experience with this is that only tell someone if you don't mind anyone else knowing. Asking someone to keep a secret about you is almost like asking for that trust to be broken, even if it's by accident.

When telling someone about your sexuality I like to think of it as "inviting them in" as opposed to "coming out". It's inviting someone into your world and sharing with them special information, or bestowing an honour on them to know something intimate and special about you.

I have found it far easier to not keep my sexuality a secret. I don't go around telling everyone nor do I wave the LGBT flag everywhere, but, if someone asks then I tell them the truth. I find it liberating and each time it gets easier.
xox