Thanks for sharing your story.
Im not quite sure how to respond other than to share some more of mine.
The guy I have been seeing now for close to 1.5 years has just randomly cut off contact. I dont understand why, and I am emotionally shattered and heartbroken. He told me he needed a break to think after recently talking about getting engaged and joint bank accounts. Im confused and I don't know what that means.
So now I am left alone in no mans land. I have not been able to stop thinking about him, and I hope every day that he will contact me again. Im not sure everything he ever told me was a lie or not, maybe he did mean everything he said and like you got scared because of how close he was.
We are both married with kids. Its hard being functional with a wife and kids when you feel the way I do right now. Its been 2 weeks since Ive heard from him.
Anyway the point of sharing that was to say its not easier to find someone married, and if you are looking for an emotional relationship then you need to be open to that relationship progressing. If you have no intention of leaving your wife or being open to a proper gay relationship then maybe its better to avoid it in the first place and avoid the heartache. Because I can tell you from experience it really hurts.